To read the first part of Kaylie’s personal story on breastfeeding, “I kind of hate breastfeeding”, click here.
So why didn’t I give up?
Because I’m stubborn as a mule, and tend to be all or nothing to a fault. (Seriously – ask any of my close friends or family.)
When my oldest daughter was labeled failure to thrive (you can read about my experience here), we switched from exclusively breastfeeding to exclusively bottlefeeding formula literally overnight as she refused the breast after her hospital stay.
Then my second was born and I was hell-bent on exclusively breastfeeding her not just because I thought it was best for her, but also because I had “failed” at it in the past. By the second week of nursing her, though, my nipples were destroyed, I could be put into tears just anticipating the next feeding, and I was on an emotional precipice. I sought help from a lactation consultant who helped me come up with a care plan to heal my nipples, but it took many weeks (and tears and latches with my teeth clenched) for that to happen. I was shocked and proud when I was able to nurse my second daughter for nearly two years when my plan was just to get through each day.
Here I am a month in to feeding my third daughter and I’ve struggled again, but I’m much more aware of what is best for each of us – not just my baby.
Two weeks ago, when I wept every two hours before attempting an excruciating latch, I looked at my husband and said, “This is NOT working for me.” And you know what? It was ok. No, not just ok, it was good and healthy for me to not only say it out loud but to trust myself to know best.
Of course science says breastmilk is best for babies. We know that. So I did what was best for us, and that was pump and bottlefeed. When I bottlefed my oldest formula, that was best for us.
As doulas, we’re confident you know what’s best for your mother-baby dyad, even if that changes along the way.